Common Questions from Tired Moms and Dads
I never planned to sleep train, but my baby won’t sleep and we’re all exhausted. What now?
I understand this sentiment completely, because I’ve been there. Sometimes, even our best laid plans don’t work out quite the way we intended. If you find yourself in this position, first of all, know this: you did nothing wrong to get to this point. Some babies are naturally easier sleepers than others, but having a baby that wakes frequently is by no means an indication of any shortcoming on the parents’ part. Second, know that you have options. We can work together to make shifts to your daytime and nighttime rhythm, your sleep environment, sleep associations, and sleep expectations—allowing you to maximize sleep without sleep training—or we can work together to very gently, gradually, and responsively to give your baby independent sleep skills through gentle sleep coaching.
If you haven’t quite reached the point of desperation with sleep and you have the emotional, physical, and mental bandwidth to continue responding to your little one for each awakening for the foreseeable future—and the desire to do so—maximizing sleep without sleep coaching may be a good fit for you.
Most families that come to me are looking for a sustainable, long-term sleep solution that allows everyone to get restorative and consolidated sleep. If this is you—or if you are past the point of exhaustion or are struggling with postpartum depression or anxiety—I recommend gentle sleep coaching to get sleep on track as quickly as is possible (with gentle sleep coaching, that’s typically within 2-4 weeks). Even if sleep coaching wasn’t your plan, know that changing course doesn’t indicate any kind of failure or in any way negate your ability, attachment, gentleness, and responsiveness as a parent.
Both options are valid, gentle, holistic, and responsive.
Do you use any form of cry-it-out (CIO)?
No. I hold no judgment for families who have used CIO with their little ones (we’re all trying to do the best thing for our families!), but as a tear-averse, gentle parent with training in attachment theory, child development, and sleep science, I do not recommend nor use any form of CIO (also known as timed checks, extinction, graduated extinction, the Ferber method, and the Weissbluth method). Instead, for families looking to establish independent sleep skills and reduce night awakenings, I use a holistic, gentle sleep training approach that doesn’t involve any form of crying-it-out.
So, no tears?
Unfortunately, no one can guarantee NO tears, even when we offer full support, so our goal is always as few tears as possible. I personally have a very low threshold for tears, so I will always do everything possible to keep tears to an absolute minimum. It’s important to realize, however, that anytime we make changes to how things are done, some tears and frustration are expected. Remember, you’re helping your little one learn a new way to sleep, and they may voice their frustration or dislike of this new way of doing things through tears.
However, there is a world of difference between CIO tears and tears of protest with the presence, support, and comfort of a parent there with them, lovingly responding and working together with them to learn this new skill. It’s the response to those tears that makes all the difference.
Do you work with newborns?
I work with parents of newborns and young infants to set realistic and developmentally-appropriate sleep expectations, freeing them from societal pressures and unnecessary guilt when their babies sleep like babies. I also offer suggestions for setting yourself up for sleep success in the early months through baby-led sleep shaping.
I offer detailed information about baby sleep, development, and laying a foundation for success in my Newborn Sleep Package, and I offer gentle, highly customized sleep shaping for infants 4 ½-6 months either via the Foundations, Comprehensive, Extended, or On Call Sleep packages.
Do you work with older children?
Yes! I work with children up to age three (or newly four)—whether that’s transitioning from co-sleeping to their own bed, tackling early rising, or minimizing bedtime battles and middle-of-the-night wakeups.
How are you certified?
I was trained directly by renowned sleep expert Kim West (The Sleep Lady®) through her Gentle Sleep Coach® Training & Certification program, the first and most extensive training program available for sleep coaches. I completed over 90 hours of training under Kim, two medical doctors, an occupational therapist, a licensed clinical therapist, and a lactation consultant, as well as clinical supervision and advance coursework through the program.
Because anyone can call themselves a sleep coach, sleep supporter, or sleep specialist—or even a gentle sleep consultant—it’s important to make sure whoever you work with actually has the appropriate training and expertise in the science of sleep, child development, and gentle sleep training.
I am also trained in TBRI®, an attachment-based, trauma-informed intervention that is designed to meet the complex needs of vulnerable children, including those in foster care.
Is it selfish of me to sleep train my child?
When we’ve confirmed there are no underlying issues causing sleep difficulty (such as reflux or allergies), and when we’ve waited until it’s developmentally appropriate, and when we’ve created a highly customized, gentle approach that takes into account your specific child, their quirks, and their temperament, the answer is a resounding NO.
There is undeniable evidence supporting the necessity of quality sleep for the entire family, your little one especially. A good night’s sleep helps you be the best parent and person you can be, and for your little one, getting enough quality sleep is essential to learning, developing, and thriving. The neural pathways they form through play and exploration throughout the day are reinforced through quality nighttime sleep. Which is to say, major brainwork is happening through restorative sleep!
So rest easy, mama. Gentle sleep training is most certainly NOT selfish.
How do I know if sleep support is right for my family?
Most tired families who come to me fit one of the following criteria:
They have been encouraged by well-meaning family, friends, or their pediatrician to let their baby cry-it-out, but they know that’s not the right approach for them.
They tried cry-it-out methods (AKA Babywise, Ferber, extinction, graduated extinction, or controlled crying), and found it either didn’t work or that it didn’t align with their parenting philosophy.
They used cry-it-out with their first child but want to use a gentler approach moving forward.
And the big one: The mother’s intuition tells her to respond to her baby and resists letting her baby cry-it-out.
Through gentle techniques that nurture and support your little one throughout the process, we can:
Maximize daytime rhythms to lead to better nights
Teach your little one how to fall asleep independently, either in their crib or bed, or in the family bed
Help your baby or toddler learn to self-settle upon night awakenings
Establish independent sleep while continuing to breastfeeding at night (if desired!)
Get sleep back-on-track after major life changes (new sibling, new school, potty training, etc.)
Transition older children from co-sleeping arrangements to their own room
Night wean from breastfeeding or bottle feeding (if desired!)
Tackle early rising
Help you all start sleeping through the night again
Rest easy. It is possible to get the restorative sleep you all need without crying-it-out.
How sure are you that you can help me?
I am completely confident I can help you! I have helped families tackle sleep challenges that felt insurmountable to them in as little as 10 days. How quickly your little one begins sleeping better depends on how consistent and committed you are, as well as the speed you feel most comfortable moving, and your little one’s temperament.